June brought more traveling. After getting back from our month in Mexico, Karawynn and I were in Seattle for only three weeks before we lit out again for regions southward. It was great to see my brother and sister and their families under happy circumstances. The previous time we’d all seen each other was when Mom died — a very sad and difficult period.
Mission Possible
Mission Espada
The wedding took place at the picturesque Mission Espada in San Antonio. What a great location to celebrate a new union! Dad and Carolyn both had previous marriages with wonderful spouses who’d died. They are re-starting their lives. Carolyn is much different from my mom, but she is a good soul, and I am overjoyed that she and Dad found love together. I can barely imagine what losing a life-partner is like — a traumatic and painful experience that leads to a scary and lonely and desolate place. That Dad has another chance to love and be loved is a precious, rare, and wonderful gift.
I no longer consider myself Catholic — or religious in any way really — but I was happy to get the opportunity to read at the (traditional Catholic) wedding. Participating in the ceremonial launch of a new stage in my dad’s life meant a lot. These days it is so easy to be cynical about love and commitment, but seeing the happiness that Carolyn has brought into Dad’s life after the heartbreaking anguish of the previous few years strips away any cynicism I have and replaces it with wonder and joy.
Honeymoon Crashers
Carolyn and Dad were generous (or insane) when they decided to invite their whole combined family to accompany them to Costa Rica after the wedding. Karawynn and I joined the twelve others traveling to the Guanacaste region of the Central American country.
Costa Rica abolished its military years ago and has used the extra money to improve education and healthcare — as well as to invest in creating a profitable tourist industry. Tourism is Costa Rica’s primary economic engine. I have a lot of respect for a country that builds an economy around trying to educate the world about ecology and nature. Can you even imagine your country doing that?
The first part of our stay was at the Flamingo Beach Resort on Playa Flamingo in the northwestern (Pacific) part of Costa Rica. This was a typical, if smallish, resort hotel with a nice pool in a picturesque location. Like resorts I’ve visited in Mexico and Hawaii, much of the hotel was open to the outside. But the heat and humidity made just standing around in the lobby feel like taking a sauna. Thankfully the rooms had air conditioning, and the pool was cool.
One of the drawbacks of staying at a resort hotel is that everything is outrageously expensive. We had not been able to afford the all-inclusive package so drinks and food were additional expenses. But the nearest town was a couple kilometers away and none of us had a car. So a few of us decided to risk the impending rain and walk to the nearest grocery store. This decision turned out to be both ill-advised and serendipitously wonderful.
The road traveled along the curve of a beautiful bay, between the beach and fields where (literally) hundreds of bright green parakeets flitted amongst the low trees and bushes. And huge vultures perched on fence posts and stretched out their wings to dry them in the intermittent sun. But just as we’re about half way there, it started to pour down rain. By sheer luck, we’d just passed a local cantina / bar with outdoor tables made from polished slabs of banyan tree. The tables were sheltered from the rain by thatched reed umbrellas. Since the rain had drenched us to the bone in seconds, we decided to stop and wait… and spent the next hour drinking local beer and staring out at the rain-stippled bay. What a great experience!
Not-so Accidental Tourists
Me, ziplining through the treetops
The next day, all fourteen of our group took a canopy tour — a multi-part excursion to Buena Vista that included ziplining through treetops, horseback riding, a local-food lunch, a very fast water slide, and geothermal pools with sauna and mudbath.
While this is billed as eco-toursim, it really is not. It’s a lot of fun, and definitely worth the $125 per person, but it’s really all about fun and not about nature or experiencing the rainforest. For us, that would come later.
The following morning we said goodbye to Dad, Carolyn, and the rest of the family both old and new. We had made plans to spend the last half of our time in Costa Rica in a completely different environment… all the way across the country on the Caribbean coast, and in my next post I will tell you all about traveling there, and our time in the jungle.
Karawynn and I are in Mexico for a month, undertaking an experiment wherein we gather data to determine if we can live here after Claire moves out in five years or so. Karawynn discovered this particular place after detailed online research of a variety of expat communities that matched two main criteria: 1) good weather year round and 2) lower cost of living than in the United States. Thus we chose to visit the Ajijic Mexico area, along the north shore of Lake Chapala about 45 minutes by car from Guadalajara — the second largest city in Mexico.
We’ve been here about a week and half now and here are my impressions so far.
Best thing about living here
Winner: Weather and physical beauty
Lakefront Park in Ajijic Mexico
We decided to come here during the “worst” time of the year for weather. This is the hot season here. It has been in the mid-80s during the day and mid-60s at night. Ajijic is at high elevation so even though we’re well into the tropics, it doesn’t get as hot as it otherwise would. It has been sunny, and during the afternoons the sun can be intense, but most people just stay inside during that time of day. “Siesta” closes down shops and services for a couple of hours.
The most beautiful place I have ever lived was Hawaii. The combination of rain forest and beaches and dramatic volcanic cliffs is hard to beat. But this place is very picturesque. Lake Chapala is surrounded by mountains; there are lots of bright, colorful flowers; and many many birds!
Runner up: Cost of living
It turns out that Ajijic is more expensive than a lot of Mexico. It’s a little touristy town with art galleries and fancy restaurants. It’s like that coast town you go visit where things are just a little more pricey because it’s pretty and a lot of people go there to get away. Ajijic is a popular place for Mexicans from Guadalajara to come on the weekends.
Even so, it’s a bargain compared to what we’re paying to live in Seattle. Plus, there are ways to avoid the more pricey places. For cost of living, I think it’s a win.
Worst thing about living here
Winner: Language barrier
I only know a few words of Spanish so I am finding it difficult to impossible to really communicate with the local folks who don’t speak English. I am learning the language, but have just gotten down the basics of ordering food at a restaurant and asking how much something costs at a store. I’m also finding that I have social anxiety and fear around not speaking and understanding. Some of this is embarrassment at being a stupid gringo, and some of it is fear of making a fool of myself by saying stupid things in Spanish. I’m working at overcoming this fear because it really is counterproductive to actually communicating.
In the time we’ve been here, I have gone from essentially zero Spanish to being able to (barely) get by in a store and a restaurant. The social fear is still there, but I can make myself understood for the most part. I know that as I learn more Spanish (which I am doing as fast as I can), I will get more and more comfortable with interacting with people in Spanish, but I still worry that I might never be able to break through the language barrier completely.
Runner up: Missing home
Claire
It may seem strange, but even after such a short time, I already miss friends and family in Seattle. I know that this particular issue will be a problem for me regardless of where we go, and some of that is related to feeling disconnected from my younger daughter Claire, who (at 13 years old) isn’t the best at keeping in touch long-distance. So this is an issue I will have to deal with in some fashion regardless of where we move… which doesn’t make it any easier of course.
Most difficult adjustment to make
Winner: Writing space
Because we are here for a whole month, this is a working trip for me. But so far, I’ve had a difficult time getting work done. For one thing, I’m distracted by all the interesting and new things there are to do. We’ve spent mornings (when it’s cool) exploring the town by foot, buying food at the various stores and meeting people. The afternoons are warmer and lazier and less conducive to working. And, in the evening, we usually watch a show or play a game.
Other impediments to getting shit done: my laptop is small and slow; the desk chair is uncomfortable. Yadda, yadda. So many excuses, none of them really valid.
I finally decided to try disconnecting from the internet, and was able to knuckle under and write this post. This house has good, fast internet — important for various reasons. Internet sites like Facebook and Twitter, email, and voicemail are a distraction under normal circumstances, but here it’s worse. Far away from home, I am monitoring my online connections with more frequency. I want to feel connected!
If we were to move here, I could set up an office space that would work for me. None of this would be an issue, except for the distracting internet. That will be always be a distraction.
Runner up: Cost of shredded wheat
Yes, you read that right. I have recently grown extremely fond of shredded wheat with bran. Very high fiber, very tasty the way I prepare it. Here, it is prohibitively expensive. A box of Post spoon-size shredded wheat runs between $8.25 and $9.00! I love my shredded wheat, but not that much. There’s a chance that I can find something similar at one of the local tianguis – weekly street markets. I did see a vendor with what looked like bags of spoon-size shredded wheat, and the cost was a good deal cheaper. Tomorrow, I will buy some and try it.
Biggest anticipated problem that hasn’t materialized
Winner: Language barrier
As I said above, my lack of Spanish causes me anxiety and is problematic, but it’s still very possible to communicate here. Because there are a lot of expatriate Americans and Canadians living here, many local businesses have English-speaking staff. There’s an infrastructure set up to make the transition to living in Mexico easier. So in many ways, even though the language barrier is the biggest issue for me, it’s still not nearly as big as it could be.
Many of the expats are also friendly and helpful folks. They’re more than willing, in most cases, to share their knowledge and extend welcoming resources to new people. I knew this might be true, but wasn’t prepared for how much of a help and a reassurance it is. I feel that coming to this location, as opposed to someplace else in Mexico, will mean a smoother transition to eventual integration with the local culture.
Runner up: Communicating with home
I had expected to have difficulty staying in contact with my daughter and our house sitter and other folks from back home. I knew we would have email, although I’d been prepared for issues setting that up. I’d expected that Skype would work too, but wasn’t sure if I’d run into trouble getting that to work. However, none of that was a problem; connecting to the wireless router in the house was dead easy, and the internet was up and running on our laptops within minutes.
Taken by Karawynn Long of the sunset over the mountains. That I can be here and stay in touch with my peeps at home, makes me very happy!
I was also able to have my Google Voice phone number forwarded to my Gmail chat client, which essentially means that I can receive telephone calls to my phone number on my computer’s microphone and speakers. I can make outgoing calls too at no charge to US phone numbers, and send text messages as well. Everything works!
I will note, too, that for the month that we’re here, I subscribed to a VPN service that can spoof our IP so that it looks like we’re accessing the internet from within the US. This is not necessary for the phone or Skype or email access, but required for watching Netflix or Hulu or HBO shows, which we’d planned to do. The cost for this service is $6 per month, and it works perfectly.
Biggest gringo mistake
Winner: Mistaking beeswax skin cream for honey
The local tianguis are full of merchants giving away samples of their wares. These are often food items like cheese or fruit slices, and so when a honey vendor spoke some words to me in Spanish and held out an small bowl containing some pasty-looking substance, I dipped a finger in and … tasted it.
Wasn’t very good. The man told me, “No, no. For your skin.” I grimaced and rubbed some on my face, but it didn’t make the red any lighter.
Several runners up:
Pigs’ Feet Ceviche?
At the local weekly tianguis, I thought that a huge pile of very white meat mixed with onions and peppers might have been ceviche (the “meat” was as white as fish). After asking what it was, a local who spoke English told us that it was chunks of pigs’ feet and skin.
Not asking for the check at a restaurant. Apparently it’s rude for the waiter to bring the check, or even ask you if you want the check, before you request it.
We’ve got another 20 days here, and I expect that we’ll learn a ton more before we’re done! We have our first visitor coming today. We’re going to make the trip into the big city by local bus! Lots of stuff happening.
A year ago, I made a decision to start tracking my food calories in an effort to lose the extra 30 pounds I’d gained in the past decade. This decision not only resulted in better health, but also a fundamental change in my awareness of food — and an improvement in my happiness, my personal relationships, and my overall quality of life.
Asleep at the Meal
For most of my life, I ate anything I wanted. I paid only a little attention to what I thought was healthy, but I was playing a lot of sports and no matter how much I ate, I never gained weight. For years I hovered effortlessly between 175 and 180 pounds.
Then at age 34 I suffered a serious injury: I tore my ACL and needed reconstructive surgery. My exercise regimen went from eight to ten hours per week of basketball and/or soccer to … nothing.
Even after surgery and physical therapy, I had enough swelling and pain from my knee that I didn’t exercise regularly for years. Every once in a while, I’d try to get re-involved in sports, but I kept reinjuring myself. After my first ultimate frisbee match, my knee swelled up like a cantaloupe … which made it also my last ultimate frisbee match.
I started to entertain the depressing possibility that I might never play sports again.
Meanwhile, I slowly gained both weight and girth. I have a sweet tooth and love to eat cookies and cakes and donuts. I have a huge weakness for cheesecake and crème brulée. By the time I turned 46, I was squeezing 215 pounds into size 38 jeans.
215-pound Jak with Mom (2010)
Carrying extra weight made many normal things harder. Extended sitting in office chairs caused me more back pain; it was additional effort to climb stairs or go hiking with the kids. Even standing became uncomfortable after a short period of time. I was more depressed, grumpier, and had a lot less energy. Plus I was self-conscious about my increasingly pear-shaped silhouette.
I had already tried dieting once. Atkins worked at first: I lost 20 pounds in three weeks or so, but it all returned when I shifted into the “maintenance” part of the diet. And as the pounds came back so did the depression. I gave up dieting and resigned myself to being overweight.
First Alarm: Hitting Snooze
Then in 2010, during a routine annual physical, my doctor informed me that my blood sugar levels indicated that I was “pre-diabetic”: I had not yet developed full-blown adult onset diabetes, but I was well above the normal healthy range. He told me I needed to lose some weight, exercise, and avoid foods with a high glycemic index.
Type II Diabetes is a serious condition, one that needs constant attention. I learned that complications can include heart disease, nerve damage, eye degeneration, kidney damage, osteoporosis, and more. I began to get a little … concerned. Continue reading “The More Bearable Lightness of Being”
As I do every year, I will be attending Norwescon in SeaTac. This year, I’ll be at the convention on April 6th and 7th. If you’re in the Seattle area, come to the con, find me, and say hello.
Friday, April 6
11am — From Synopsis to Novel
A novel synopsis isn’t just a marketing tool. Find out how to use a synopsis to develop your story before you start writing. Mary Rosenblum (M), Jak Koke, Irene Radford
2pm — Jak Koke Reading
My story “Love’s Light Wings” shows how we live and love in a collapsed future with near immortality and forced off-planet teleportation. Note: the con program states that I will be reading from my forthcoming novel, Blood Sisters. However, that novel hasn’t been written yet. Continue reading “My Norwescon 35 Schedule”
One year ago today, my mother died after a long battle with ovarian cancer. She had dodged breast cancer bullets a couple of times … well, not really dodged so much as taken them in the chest. But this time the bullet was a shotgun shell to her abdomen full of twelve gauge tumor pellets. Her doctors performed surgery, but with so many tiny tumors the odds of getting all the cancer weren’t good.
After surgery, the chemotherapy made Mom’s life a waking nightmare of nausea and weakness and pain. This was her fourth round of chemo, and since it wasn’t working all that well — not buying her much time — she made the conscious choice to stop treatment.
We all knew that this decision meant her time was short, but we hoped that her quality of life would be higher during what remained. And she did have a few relatively ‘normal’ months before the deterioration overtook her.
I was not prepared for how heartbreaking it would be to see the shell of someone who had once been so vibrant and full of energy. But even so, I am grateful that I and the kids got the chance to see her several times at the end of her life, and to say goodbye.
Most healthy young people conceive of life as being constant until it ends abruptly. And sometimes it does, but sometimes a life withers away, and the older I get, the more I start thinking of how long I’ll be healthy enough to do the things I love.
I’ve started thinking of life in terms of quality time left, of how long I can stave off attrition. How long will I be able to play soccer? How many more times will I be able to go hiking with my kids? When will I lose my mental sharpness and become unable to write?
How much is three months of quality life worth? Or one month, or even a week?
I fully believe that Mom made the right decision. One year of vomiting isn’t better than three months of peace, but damn do I wish she’d had better choices.
Being Brave
Back in March of last year, Karawynn and the girls and I traveled to Yachats on the Oregon coast for Mom’s memorial service and the interment of her ashes. Even now, nearly a year later, I find it difficult to write about. I haven’t lost many people close to me, and I’m not sure I coped very well. But then again, does anyone?
